Faster Weight Loss

If you have read any of my other articles, I described ways to effectively drop fat and keep it off using your body's natural ability to survive.  The body, as you can imagine, is a magnificent compilation of mechanisms (although I do not subscribe to the theory our body is a machine) made specifically to live.  If you don't believe me, walk through a VA hospital for awhile.  Your body, mind, and spirit are hardwired to live and push through some of the toughest circumstances the human mind can fathom.  I should know this first hand, I survived two back-to-back typhoons with my infant son; not that I get bragging points because survival was definitely not my forte and I made a lot of mistakes, but I digress.  I am going to let you in on a secret that will have you drop fat off at the door.
To get right down to it, let us start with the basics.  First, I want to re-iterate why I don't use calories in vs calories out.  Calories was a measurement invented in France in the 18th century to measure the efficacy of fossil fuels in combustible engines.  Anything that you can light on fire and measure how fast the flame heats up water has "calories."  To put that in perspective, toilet paper and rubber tires have calories, however it is impossible to subsist off of toilet paper and eating rubber tires would just be stupid. 
Now that you are on the same page, let's go through the functions of true metabolism from a biological standpoint.  When you eat a hamburger, your body digests the matter through a process known as catabolism.  This process breaks down the hamburger mush in the stomach (also known as chyme during the digestion process) and converts it into energy through a process known as cellular respiration.  It is a chemical process in which the body breaks down the hamburger chyme into its simplest nutrients which is then converted into adenosine triphosphate.  It gets even more complex than this but this is what you need to know:

Hamburger Chyme + Digestive Enzymes = Adenosine Triphosphate

Through a process known as cellular respiration in catabolic digestion.

Your body then takes the nutrients, via the amino acids, to make repairs, strengthen, and build parts of your body in a process known as anabolism.  This is a more complex process in which different molecules are used in different instances to form various body parts like organ and tissue structures, chemical messengers, receptors and new cells.  This is why it is important to eat better and take a good multivitamin from a trusted manufacturer (nothing from Wal-Mart, Target or GNC).

Nutrients + Amino Acids  = Nicotinamide Adenine Dinucleotide

Through a process known as anabolic digestion for cellular repair.

One of the cells your body loves to make is fat cells through a sub-process, known as lipogenesis, where glucose (derived from consuming starches and sugars) is oxidized and turned into adipose tissue using the hormone insulin and the enzyme malic dehydrogenase.  There are several different types of adipose tissue and the amounts of each depend on factors such as genetics, environmental, chemical exposure, age, and most importantly, diet.  One of the secrets is that the body stops making fat cells for survival at a certain set point, and the over abundance of glucose consumed is just "put away" like a hoarder "puts away" excessive junk in a storage unit.  You and I both know that a person doesn't need 495 items of the same thing: purses, dolls, shoes, clocks, keys, buttons, lamps, magnets, car parts, etc., but when hoarders run out of room in their house to store their items, they move their "collection" to other places like garages, sheds, and storage units.  Junk fat is the same way, the body knows it doesn't need the extra lipid cells but it uses them to store the excess lipids made from excess glucose.  What ends up happening is the glucose goes to waist and your body puts all that junk in your trunk.   Yes, the pun is intended there.

The body doesn't go to the excess lipid cells when it is wanting fuel.  It goes to the adenosine triphospate first using your last meal in catabolic digestion.  Then it might hesitantly revert to using the stored glycogen in readily available fat cells for energy.  This is a very complex process and requires a deep understanding in biochemistry to comprehend.  Thus, this is the biggest secret of all.  Your body uses visceral fat (fat surrounding the liver, heart, and deep muscle tissue) first.  The body doesn't even bother to use what it has in other storage areas until it is well into glycolysis (the chemical conversion of fat into energy).  Which means that your body must be fully depleted of the simplest forms of energy and well into the Krebs cycle (the cycle where the body is converting its proteins, fats, and carbohydrates into energy) before it starts the chemical conversion of the excess junk fat.    

How do you lose the excess fat faster?  Eat the nutrients your body needs and cut the rest.  It is important to remember that your body is very efficient at what it does.  Consuming the wrong foods is like going to garage sales and buying junk (not saying that buying what you need at garage sales is a bad thing, just hoarders should not satiate their habit/addiction via such means). Use natural ergogenics to ramp up the metabolism and burn the junk fat.  Use a combination of intense weight training and anaerobic exercise to get right down to the junk in the trunk.  Lastly, sleep longer and more soundly to encourage cellular repair; a red light put in the bedroom, a better mattress or topper, herbal teas and sound-scapes can help improve sleep.
It is also important to note that, although the scale can be used to monitor progress, the best way to measure fat loss is by either measuring waist circumference, skin fold caliper, or going fancy and getting a bioelectric impedence analysis done.  However, if you are burning the fat, your waist circumference will decrease.  If the numbers on the scale are decreasing but your pants are not any looser, then your muscles are atrophying (losing mass) which is a bad thing.  If you do not lose 1 - 2 inches per month, increase your weight lifting and core exercises and increase the amount of times you eat per day.         
  

In summary, here is the list of 10 secrets for faster fat loss and muscle tone:

1)   Multivitamin + Calcium from trusted source 
2)   Branched Chain Amino Acids
3)   Protein and raw vegetables 4-6 times per day
4)   Weightlifting and anaerobic exercise 30 minutes per day
5)   Creatine after workouts
6)   Conjugated Linoleic Acid before workouts
7)   Sleep 8 - 10 hours, eating no later than 3 hours before bed time
8)   Drink 64oz of liquids per day (herbal tea, coffee, and flavored water for variety)
9)   Eat fatty vegetables and proteins every day
10) Avoid grains, sugars, alcohols, fruits, and candies like the plague

You can do this!

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Update To Your Partner, His Other Girl, and Your Boundaries

If you read my post from Wednesday, March 18th, and it pertained to you in some way, you probably picked up one of three solutions to your dilemma.  If your man has been talking with his female friend, whether a former lover or just an extremely friendly cohort, there are essentially only three things you can do about it.  The first one is leave him, second one is set your boundaries and pull back from the relationship, and the last solution is to set the equality boundary by doing exactly what he is doing.

I gave this advice knowing at least the first two worked.  The first choice, leaving him and moving on, allows you to set your standards higher the next time and showing yourself that you do not, under any circumstances, tolerate being treated like garbage.  Leaving a man who has trampled over you and your boundaries ultimately raises your self esteem in the end.  There's absolutely no reason for your partner to bring an old "friend" between you two, and if he does, something else is probably going on.  A man is very likely to put his "friend" right up there next to you where, in his mind, leaves room for friendly activities.  I recall in one particular instance, "friendly activities" meant picking his "friend" up and taking a walk together in the park late in the evening, which I guess from what I could piece together, was quite an evening.  Thus, I had to call it!  Looking back, I realized that I should have called it much sooner but I had good faith that he would be faithful.  And I think he had every intention of being faithful until the moment of passion took over; or rather maybe he did.  I will never really know for sure.

I do know that setting boundaries works very well, regardless of what happens in the relationship.  Your relationship will either deteriorate or strengthen with this strategy.  In my case, I found out quickly that a man can break your heart very easily and quickly when he has a woman on the side with whom he confides in.  Like the Titanic, all glorious things can sink.  Being prepared for if and when it does is always a smart idea.  Having a go-to destination and a stockpile of hidden, liquid money will be your life raft just in case the iceberg rips through the hull in the middle of the night.  Expecting your partner to choose you or choose the door is an ultimatum and a typical man feels trapped in ultimatums.  Wanting to be his one and only is setting your boundaries and preventing friendly activities from taking place (at least that you are aware of).  In the end, you will either gain a faithful, loyal, dedicated man, or your independence while maintaining dignity.  Either way, your head should be held up high.

Until now, the third choice was still in beta testing. I have to say I am most pleased with the outcome thus far.  I will not call it an absolute success for quite awhile yet, however I am satisfied with its preliminary results.  Demanding equality and pulling back makes a man spring into action.  It could be as simple as putting on a beautiful dress to go to a casual dinner party with your friends, or it could be as cruel as giggle while texting your "friend" and then tell your partner "it's nothing" and while quickly changing the subject.  This creates suspicion and jealousy; both of which would be bad in a relationship.  But for some odd reason, pulling way back out of a relationship and becoming mysteriously intriguing sends guys into a twitterpated tizzy.  This phase, I admit, is quite enjoyable.  Putting your feminine back on, bringing out your moxie, and being the most captivating woman your partner knows will bring out the hunter in your man!  And this is where you've got him; that is, if you still want him.  This is where you strike up a deal, "If I get rid of my "friend" will you get rid of your friend?"  Hopefully he says yes, then make him prove it to you.  Otherwise, you've got somewhere to be in an hour, and it isn't with him. This part, if he is anything like my boyfriend, takes a bit of time.  He might not want to let go of his "friend" right away, or he feels that she is just a friend still so there's nothing wrong with having her still friends on Facebook even though he deleted her number from his phone for you.  This is where I am at currently.  So the equality rules still apply at this point.  Now, if your partner says no to getting rid of his "friend", then he is involved with her and it is time to let him go for good.  By this time, you should have enough in savings and some place to go so leaving him shouldn't be that big of a deal.  Yeah, it'll sting the heart, we have all been there, but it isn't anything some lively dance music, your favorite hobby, and a good friend can't fix.

No matter what happens girl, I wish you luck!                    

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Your Partner, His Other Girl, and Your Boundaries

When it comes to relationships, I am not good at them.  I will admit that I usually end up dating some of the worst guys imaginable while ruining the good relationships.  I have to laugh sometimes because I am not crazy, I am broken.  I realized just how broken I was about a year ago after another breakup with a toxic, draining, and mentally abusive man.  So, you can imagine how cautious I am now in my new relationship.  But the longer I stay in this relationship, I find the more boundaries I have to fortify.  I won't bore you with all the details of my past, however, this introduces us to this topic of the boyfriend and his other girl.

I have heard about this scenario before; a man can't get this girl out of his life.  He has mementos of their relationship all over his home, he enjoys hearing from her, takes her phone calls, answers her texts and Facebook messages, and even hangs out with her.  If you are screeching by now, you are one of many who can't believe a person could be such an asshole!  But it is very common.  In fact, believe it or not, most men keep a #2 on the side.  Movie stars, politicians, and most every other man in America; this is the girl he is secretly enamored with, the girl he might fantasize about, the girl he would pursue if things go south with you.  I look back through all of my relationships and most of the men I had been with had an obvious #2 girl somewhere in the mix. I just wasn't looking for the signs.  I trusted too easily and honored too quickly.

What are the signs of the #2 girl?  The obvious signs are he has a female friend who he keeps in touch with someway.  Sometimes it is an old lover, an ex who dumped him, a girl he just couldn't win her heart, an old friend, or one of your friends.  Originally, this was going to be about the ex, but I discovered that the ex is only one girl out of the #2 girl scenario.  Generally speaking, men who have another woman in his life, other than a close relative, view them as the second choice and wouldn't hesitate to be with her the moment your relationship hits the rocky shore.  Shockingly, most men keep them closer than you can imagine.

Again, I write this not as an expert on this topic, but as an experienced victim with advice. All but several guys I have worked with had #2 and even #3 side girls besides their wives or girlfriends.  Some of my guy friends have a #2 girl they hang out with regularly but hide it from their spouse or girlfriend.  I know I am the #2 girl for several of my guy friends. And I can't count how many of my boyfriends cheated on me with his #2 girl.  Most of the time I was blind sided, but several times there was a huge neon sign pointing to that path. So it didn't surprise me when my current boyfriend was still hanging out with his ex girlfriend.  Yes, his platonic ex girlfriend is his #2 girl; it is alright if you roll your eyes because I do every time I hear her calling.  Well, at least he was nice enough to make it blatantly obvious he is a typical asshole instead of being a sneaky jerk.  She calls him frequently, is right there for him when we fight, takes him out often, and asks him for huge favors which he proudly jumps on.  It is a huge red flag with blinking, neon lights surrounding it.  Being wiser and more experienced now, I understand that if our relationship goes south, he will be in her arms faster than an earring slips down a drain. 

What to do?  I finally learned, after fifteen years of boyfriends and husbands, that you can't change a man.  He will do whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it.  The more you squawk and complain about his shenanigans with his #2 girl, the more apt he is to be with her over you.  However, if you ignore it, or miss the signs completely, he can easily get very close to his #2 girl and unwanted things could end up happening.  In the end you have three options to choose from, and they all depend on what you are willing to go through.  It is also important to always respect yourself and never show fear or insecurity in this matter.  Insecurity always feeds the flame.

Option 1) Realize today that your man has not valued or respected you, or your boundaries for that matter, and now you must leave him.  No ultimatums, because men don't respond well to ultimatums, and no beating around the bush.  The fact that he has a #2 girl glistening in the background means that he doesn't hold you on the pedestal you should be on and that you are discounted merchandise to him.  Here is the moment where you need to pull up your big girl britches and say, "Honey, I know we have had an amazing time together but I feel like I don't truly matter to you and it is time for me to move on."  Now if he cares for you, this is the moment he starts clambering back and wanting to fix it.  It is alright if he fixes it, but he must do that on his own because he will never fix it if you are in the picture.  Tell him, "I am not the only woman in your life and I cannot be with someone who has a side girl," and then walk away.  Cry it out at another friend's house over ice cream, or even better, work it out at the gym!  If he is willing to change, he will show commitment to change.  But you cannot force him or manipulate him to change and you should not expect him to change or crawl back a changed man.  This is just a way of establishing your values, your love for yourself, and strengthening your boundaries for hopes of finding a man who will cherish you.

Option 2) Set your boundaries in stone and find your passion.  If you think this is just a bump in the road and he can let her go, then this might be the option for you.  Tell him with a loving tone, "I really appreciate you and your ability to make me happy but I am very sad to know that "__(her name)____" has entered your life again."  Then listen to what he has to say which is something like, "Babe, there's nothing going on, blah blah blah...."  Expect him to try to convince you, and himself, that it is just a platonic relationship (it's not by the way, he would tap that in a heart beat if he could) and that he will try to see/call/text/message her less.  Hold your temper for after you are out of earshot because seeing you in a rage will make him want to run into her arms.  This is where your boundaries need to be firm and set in stone!  Slip in the sentence somewhere in his hogwash that, "I need to know you are there for me and committed only to me and I need you to show that to me.  Do you think you can do that?"  Now just know that his friendship with #2 might go incognito.  This is where you find a hobby or craft you love and establish a separate life from him.  If you are married or in a joint relationship, it is time to slowly pull away, and you also need a stockpile of money somewhere in case you do find out his #2 is now his #1.5 or better.  Give him a chance, but be on guard.  If he is anything like my ex husband, it will hit you like a bomb when you least expect it.

Option 3) Equality and respect goes hand-in-hand/foot-in-mouth.  This method also works for other matters like strip clubs, porn, and other offenses.  This option is only available if you are willing to tolerate bad behaviors and realize the potential for the relationship to crumble.  It is also important to stockpile bail out money if the ship starts sinking.  First is pull back.  Do absolutely nothing to kindle or grow the relationship.  Miss his birthday, miss his holiday, stop cleaning and cooking.  Find yourself reasons to always be gone or out.  If you have kids, enroll them in evening activities or take them to the park or mall.  Be a ghost.  If your man is still in love with you, then he will chase you to the ends of the earth to keep you.  If he is no longer interested in you, then he will let you slip through the cracks like sand on a grate.  Pulling back lets you know immediately where he is in the relationship and what he is willing to do to keep you.  The next step is to set equality limits.  If he can Facebook his ex at 2am in the morning, so can you.  And I would definitely pull some old "friends" out of the morgue just for that reason.  If he takes her out for dinner, by all means so can you.  Ultimately, whatever he can do, you can do too.  It sounds like a messy situation waiting to happen, and most likely he will be the first one to explode when you receive a phone call at 4pm in the afternoon from an ex.  That's when you calmly say, "I don't see anything wrong with talking to my ex, do you?"  And be ready to walk.  Stay calm, cool, and collected.  What he sees you do (in his mind) is a direct reflection of how he sees his relationship with his ex.  Now you will know how intimate and close he was with his ex as he tries to tell you not to be so close with your ex, all while trying to convince you that his relationship with her is different.  And you can also determine if there was truly intimate relations with his ex or not and make the autonomous decision to walk right then and there.  It shouldn't hurt too bad since you have bail out money and now a "friend" you can turn to if you do decide to walk.  This is also the moment where his mistake slaps him in the face.  Hopefully for him it was not too late and his platonic relationship stayed platonic with evidence of such.  But, there are those situations where a platonic relationship turns into an intimate one and unfortunately you had to find out the hard way.  In any way, you remain true to your self, and walk away with your head held high, with him graveling at your heels or running to his #2.  Again, you can't change him, you just loved yourself enough not to put yourself in a situation where he can stab you in the back while ripping your heart out.

Some other quick points.  Your close friends know you and can see things in your partner which may not be good for you.  Listen to your friends.  Also, it is time to start wearing a condom again, if you haven't been.  Your man is obviously enamored with another woman and at any time he may stray.  Men view love and sex as two completely different topics and are triggered in two completely different areas of the brain.  I have a running joke among friends that he can screw a dead goat on the side of the road and bring you flowers all in the same day.  As crass as this sounds, studies have shown that a man's brain is wired differently and their view of things is completely backwards to how we view it.  Hence the reason why he thinks it is perfectly okay to have a #2 girl on call even though he knows it hurts you and that it is definitely not okay!  Stay strong and set those boundaries right now.  Lastly, always remember there is another man more capable of loving you than what you have at this current moment.  So don't be afraid of letting go.                                

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Naturally Remove Lice

It is amazing what the stigma is for a lice infestation, everyone treats the infested like a leper.  When I found lice in my son's hair, I was dismayed, baffled, and disgusted.  I treated him, well, like a leper!  First I called everyone who he had been in contact within the last week.  There were a few phone calls were I would have rather poked my eyeballs out with a fork, but letting others know was a responsible action on my part.  In some cases, the conversations were treated as though I was telling them he had transmitted an STD.  One mom called us dirty and spread the word around like wildfire.  But again, it was a responsible action.

So here is the natural, non toxic remedy for Lice.

Melaleuca alternifolia oil.

It is safe, effective, and that simple!


Here is what I did.

The moment I found lice in my son's hair, I had him hop in the shower and scrub his hair with natural Herbal Shampoo, the green one.  I then coated his hair with Melaleuca oil (T-36 C5) and combed it into his hair (contact me if you are wondering where to get it).  Melaleuca oil kills lice almost instantly so I sent him off to school.  I put a bit of T-36 C5 in a spray bottle with Sol-U-Guard disinfectant and sprayed down every surface in his room.  I washed his bedding, stuffed animals, and exposed clothing in hot water with Oxibrite, Sol-U-Guard and T-36 C5.  Next, I sprayed the furniture, curtains, carpets, and other surfaces throughout the house with the same mixture.  I then vacuumed every nook and cranny imaginable because those little scum bag bugs live in the most hidden places.

When my son returned home from school, I had him take a shower again.  He scrubbed his hair with the Herbal Shampoo and rinsed three times.  Without drying his hair, I combed through his long blonde locks, finding a couple of dead lice and a lot of nits.  I removed as many nits as I could and coated his hair with T-36 C5.  He went to bed on clean, temporary bedding on top of plastic lining (a blow up mattress would have also worked too).

The next day, we repeated the same process as the day before.  I found a cluster of lice feeding on a bit of scalp right above the ear, which ruined my appetite for a couple of hours!  I poured T-36 C5 all over them, killing them instantly and preventing infection of the open flesh.  Later in the day, the school nurse called me up and said the kids were teasing him because he had oily, "smelly" hair.  Kids could be so mean!  Well, my son spilled the beans and told her that he had lice, which was why his hair was oily.  The nurse, and her assistant, looked through his hair and couldn't find any lice, just found and removed a few nits.  Then she asked if he could wash his hair out with their shampoo.  Hesitantly, I said yes.  Although I am not a fan of shampoos which contain toxic ingredients like sodium lauryl sulfate and petroleum fragrance.

This process was repeated for 5 days until all the signs of lice were gone. To be on the safe side, and to alleviate the risk of getting them back, I ordered the Original Herbal Shampoo (white one) and had him wash out his hair thoroughly with it daily and coat his hair with T-36 C5 mixed with the leave-in conditioner.  So far so good. 
The life cycle of the head louse is:
Nit (larvae):     7 to 10 days
Nymph:           7 to 10 days   (molts 3 times before adult)
Adult:              30+ days  (can lay up to 5 nits per day)

To be safe, continue coating hair with T-36 C5 and checking for nits for 10 days after first treatment.  A nit comb works well to remove nits from hair, but is not essential.  Always disinfect tools with Sol-U-Guard used for drying, combing and sorting hair.  

 A friend of mine couldn't believe I got rid of them in only 5 days, claiming it took weeks to get rid of the lice infestation at his house using prescription strength lice poison.  Another friend said her lice problem also lasted weeks and was difficult to treat.  I said this was our first lice infestation so I have nothing to compare it with, but it wasn't a huge problem like everyone makes it out to be.  The only logical explanation I can come up with is that T-36 C5 is more effective at removing and killing lice than the leading prescription medicine; but who am I to say such outrageous things?            


 

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Love

A boy once received a red bicycle from his mom.  He wasn't too pleased with it because it was quite uncomfortable to ride.  As the story goes, the boy was playing in the woods one afternoon and left the bike sitting up against a tree.  As the afternoon drew to a close, he went home completely forgetting about his bike he left leaning against the tree. 

But this isn't a story about the boy, although he would eventually reunite with his bike five decades later.  This is a story about a bike leaning against a tree.  At a glance, an oddball combination of juxtaposed metal and wood sit beside each other, left to weather out the storms along with the quiet, pleasant days.  The tree, with its roots firmly in the ground, grows and matures season by season.  Its' bark is rough and doesn't bend much, even under immense pressure from the elements.  Sometimes, the tree proves to be unshakable, as if nothing were to sway it against its will; yet, the simplest of things, like heavy winds or snow, threatened to break its branches year after year.  The tree stood firm through all of this, without argument, without questioning what was to happen next.  The tree just was a tree.
The bike leaned up against the tree for as long as it could.  The wheels made of metal and rubber, the seat small and firm.  The bike, a beautiful example of human ingenuity, was not used to the forest environment, nor staying put for so long.  Its freedom, although once dependent on the boy, was what it had known.  Traveling the countryside alongside an adventurous companion, feeling the elation of being somebody's momentary everything, only to be left feeling hurt and lonely when it realized the boy, whom it did everything it could possibly do for, left it behind and forgot about it.  After all, there are other bikes just as beautiful and willing to accommodate such an adventurous boy.  
So there, together, the tree and the bike sat. Year after year, they both endured the rain, the snow, the wind, the sunshine.  For the first couple years the bike leaned up against the tree.  It had no choice but to.  The tree, ridged in its ways, provided shelter from the weather and something to lean on during the roughest of storms.  And as years passed and time grew on, together they stayed, the tree and the bike.
As the tree grew stronger and more confident, it decided to pick up the bike, embracing it as it was.  Not asking it to change into something it was not. The bike had to just bend a little, as the tree had to affix itself around an otherwise inflexible object.  However, the bond between the tree and the bike could never be stronger.  Each had to make sacrifices to live with one-another in the most unlikely of scenarios.  Both the tree and the bike had to learn to cope with one another in a precarious predicament, endure each other, and learn to live in harmony.
Then one day, the boy, old and gray, returned to the site where he had left his bike. Although, when he returned, he had realized that he had been completely forgotten.  The boy was able to recognize his bike right away.  He couldn't be more saddened by what he saw.  The bike was held up firmly by the tree.  The tree, big and tall was happily embracing the bike.  The bike, faded and old, yet still a beautiful example of human ingenuity, couldn't be more comfortable nestled snugly in the tight grasp of the tree.  The boy realized the only way to take the bike back was to cut down the tree, an endeavor not worth his time.  Alas, the bike wasn't the same and wouldn't be able to carry the boy's burdens down any path of his bidding, even if the bike still wanted to.

Like I said before, this story wasn't about the boy at all.  Nor was it really about a tree or a bike.  Although very true, this story was actually about love.  And this story is about the closest metaphor you can get to true love.


You see, the tree will always be a tree, and the bike will always be a bike.  They were put together in the most unpredictable of circumstances.  Yet, here they still are: together.  Together they defied probabilities, endured the hard times, braved the elements, stuck it through in the complexities of life, and will inevitably outlive those who left them behind.  That, my friend, is the definition of true love!

                     

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Giving Your Child Wings and A Great Life

Birds have a great system for teaching their offspring how to fly: they push them onto the ledge and then out of the nest.  While it is inevitable that some do not make it to adulthood for various reasons, i.e. predators, disease, or premature flight, most young chicks do learn how to fly with this method to become parents themselves someday.  Humans can learn a lot from birds' parenting style.
After observing some parenting methods, I have noticed that many parents hold their children back from making it to the nest's ledge, often impeding them from making any headway towards independence.  What these parents don't understand is children's habits slowly turn into adolescent's habits, and eventually adult's habits.  It is healthy as a parent to slowly push their children onto the ledge of the nest in preparation for their eventual flight out of the nest.  The alternative is a 40 year old virgin living in their parents' basement, or even worse, the 40 year old child with their hodgepodge family living in their parents' basement.  Don't laugh, I have known several people who still live under their parents' or significant-other's parents' roof until their mid 40's.
Here's an eye opener, an underdeveloped child is less likely to succeed in life.  They are less likely to make a sufficient income to live on their own, less likely to make necessary social connections needed for interpersonal relationship health, and less likely to learn life-skills, i.e. budgeting, job interviews, driving, shopping, meal preparation, etc.  If your children lack the ability to succeed in life, then they are more apt to fail once their primary caretaker, you, are unable to take care of them.
Another possible outcome of holding children back is an absolute rebellion during adolescence.  In this case, the child takes everything for granted, simply because life is too easy and everything has been handed to them/done for them.  Therefore, they acquire an unhealthy sense of self-entitlement that real life can't satiate.  In other words, this child has become a spoiled teenager with an attitude!  These children often become familiar with the law around the age of 16, possibly younger, become sexually promiscuous, and develop an "I don't care/you owe me" attitude.  At this age, the child is hard to deal with and will need intervention which can be quite emotional to all parties involved.
Knowing how detrimental holding children back can be, it is now time to analyze your parenting style and if it needs to be modified.  Answer the following questions:

Do you do your child's homework if it is too hard for them?
Do you tie your child's (age 5 and older) shoes for them?
Do you dress your child (age 4 and older), zipping and buttoning clothing for them?
Do you give your child money when they ask for it?
Do you sell or "get rid of" their pets they promised to take care of only to get another one shortly after?
Do you cook separate meals for your child/children so they will at least eat?
Do you lead your child (age 4 and older) to go play with other children?
Does your child (age 5 and older) still wet the bed without any medical reasoning?
Does your child refuse to try new things?
Does your child need you to help them with their daily hygiene routine?
Does your child need you to micromanage their routine?

This list might get some parents' feathers ruffled, and it should!  If you said "Yes" to more than two of these questions, you are what's been dubbed by psychologists as a helicopter parent and are impeding proper growth and development of your child.  If you said "Yes, but.." to more than one of these questions, then you are fearful of letting your child approach the ledge of the nest and you need help with the process of letting go.
It is very important to self-actualize where the helicopter behavior is coming from and then start the process of pushing your child slowly to the ledge.  You don't have to push them out of the nest until both of you are ready, but pushing them to the ledge helps them learn the life skills they will need as an adult.  It is your job to raise your child/children to become responsible, independent, self-sufficient, respectful, and capable members of society.  What you don't want is to see your child struggle as an adult because you didn't allow them to struggle as a child.  The behaviors you see now are the behaviors they will have as an adult if you continue to enable them.  Your goal is simple; continually push your child/children onto the ledge of the nest and give them wings when they are ready to fly.




  

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A Little Shaky

It has been awhile since I posted and, quite frankly, blogging has been the last thing on my mind.  I have had a difficult couple of months and I might have to file for bankruptcy.  The rental property I own has not been maintenance by HOA since 2006 and the wear and tear is finally starting to show.  The whole complex is literally sinking and collapsing, forcing the city to condemn it unless it is fixed.  A few other HOAs have stepped in and left throwing up a white flag.  Finally the decision that the complex's repairs will have to financially fall onto the owners, a sum of $7,000,000 divided amongst the owners. An amount I cannot afford.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I offered some "friends" a temporary place to live so they could get back on their feet.  I was doing a good turn.  At first I figured it would be a few weeks, which turned into months, and even more months than I anticipated.  Before long, however, it was evident that they grew roots and planted themselves firmly into the carpet.  It wouldn't have been so terrible if it weren't for the fact that they were the opposite of healthy.  The female was addicted to pop and cigarettes, and her husband was addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, painkillers, and marijuana. He tried passing the marijuana off as a medical need, which I could understand being in the Holistic Health field.  But shortly after he "moved" in it was clear to me that his marijuana addiction was merely for recreational purposes.  The difference being that he often lit up before work and during work and driving back to my house blitzed completely out of his mind (true marijuana medication for pain should be ingested); I had asked him on several occasions to "medicate" elsewhere and he still lit up while lying in bed watching TV.  The addiction became obvious when things in my household started disappearing, first little stuff and then the bigger items like my snow tires and power tools. 
Along with all of that mess, both ate the most disgusting, unhealthiest foods you could possibly imagine.  They bought the manager special meat, 8 cases of pop per month, processed foods, kids' cereal, Koolade  crap, and boxed meals were their staples.  In their eyes, food was just something to stop the tummy from grumbling, nothing more.  But here was the kicker, they would help themselves to whatever was in the fridge or pantry, as long as it wasn't healthy of course, so I found myself buying more food than what I should have.  I began eating the unhealthy foods too, eventually gaining 15lbs which I am still trying to burn off.  The electric bill, the water bill, and the other costs in the household went up substantially.  On top of that, they used my consumable items as well (as long as it wasn't my natural cleaners because they didn't know how to clean.  They didn't even wash their hands after using the bathroom!).  And since I don't allow nasty chemicals into my house, I used my sol-u-products and natural cleaners to clean up after them, which they scoffed at (apparently only bleach is an acceptable cleaner to them).  I began to notice their messy habits getting worse and worse until they wouldn't even pick up the dishes laying on the floor in their room.  They were so inconsiderate and so lazy that any dishes he took to work never made it back home with him.  At the end, we had no more forks or Tupperware left, and I was down to my last blender bottle and spoon: almost every eating utensil and dish was missing.  It finally dawned on me that my home was a free bed & breakfast for them and I became their maid.  They fully took advantage of me and my generosity.  Never again will I let anyone stay in my house.  If a person is hard up, they got themselves there because of bad decisions they made and I have learned the hard way that it is not my problem. 
I normally do not splatter my personal life all over the web but I have been dealing with humility and feelings of despair for a bit now.  As a Holistic Health professional, I am almost embarrassed that I let my lack of personal and financial health consume every facet of my well-being.  I am trying to hold it together as best I can, and hopefully pull myself together with help; which if I can do it, anyone can.
So here are a few things I have learned over the past year:
1) Do not amalgamate your lifestyle with unhealthy people.  Unhealthy people have bad habits which are easily incorporated into a healthy lifestyle.  Letting unhealthy people into your life without boundaries is allowing for their influences to change your good habits which will be detrimental for your safety and well-being.  This goes for friends, family, and even lovers.  Unhealthy people have a way of infiltrating a healthy person's lifestyle.  Stick to your guns and don't veer off course.
2) Stick to the mantra, "it is not my problem."  I am the type of person who cares a lot for people.  I listen to people's problems and try to help, often times taking the shirt off my back to give to them, no matter the weather I have to face.  But I finally learned that when you give and give and give, people take the free handouts as an opportunity to get free stuff.  Believe it or not, there are people out there who look for these nice people to take advantage of. Other people do the bare minimum to get by in life and take free handouts as they come because they don't have to lift a hand to get something free. I look back to a boyfriend I had given just about all I had to, even my last couple of dollars one day so that he could get himself lunch, but we had our falling out because of his infidelity; ungratefully, to this day he blames me for becoming homeless.  In most cases, as I learned, putting other people first is not healthy.  If I had realized that a year ago, I would have said no to the squatters and I wouldn't be recovering from the expensive catastrophe which ensued.
3)  A healthy lifestyle stems from a healthy environment.  Before I let those unhealthy people into my life, my home environment was very organized, clean, and healthy.  I don't allow toxic chemicals like bleach or Lysol into my house and my fridge and pantry was stocked full of healthy food.  When that all changed, so did my health.  Slowly the house began to get filthy and disorganized while bacteria (like e. coli and salmonella) swarmed on every surface imaginable.  Just a few little changes within  my environment had devastating affects on my overall health and well-being.   To become healthy, a person must have a healthy environment.

While these tips seem like no-brainers to most, I realized how easy it is to become a total mess when boundaries are allowed to be trampled over. My life is not the way it was last year due to some poor decisions I had made trying to help those in need. I have been told on many occasions that I am too nice, and finally, after putting myself into a situation I cannot recover from, I know exactly what that means.

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